New year, less expectations
If you know me, you know that I am a natural do-er. I am generally on the go, keeping busy with one thing or another; and in the past (and still sometimes now) I take on more than I can juggle. But as we settle into this new year, I have been in deep thought and conversation about how I would like to do LESS. Yes, less. Often, especially around the New Year, you might be thinking how you want to improve yourself, create new habits or routines, and add in more health or wellness to your life. When making changes, you might normally gravitate towards putting something else into your life- taking on more, starting a new project, trying to meal prep, etc. All of these can be great but for myself I want to DO less. This year I want to bring in more ease, while still being challenged. I want to cultivate more habits and systems to support myself, business, and family in a way that does NOT add to my plate.
When I first started contemplating this it was feeling quite overwhelming- and counterproductive as it felt like ANOTHER thing I had to then execute- which is quite literally the opposite of what I am trying to cultivate and achieve here. But as I have taken a step back to look at, consider and navigate the whole picture, I am realizing that the real aspect of this goal is mostly just a mindset. A different mindset with the added challenge of ALLOWING myself (and business and family) to be in ease; allowing myself the rest and allowing things to not be as they have been. Now, what does this mean, and what does this look like? Well honestly, I am still figuring that all out, but I am sure of a few things that I will and am implementing mentally and physically.
The first starts with my expectations. Expectations can be beautiful, and they can also be destructive. I am working on unpacking the multifaceted expectations that come with being an adult (while holding much privilege to do so).
In the theme of doing less, some expectations that I am unwinding are:
keeping a clean house- I am tired of spending much of my week tidying and cleaning and scrubbing, only to be faced with the realities of having two small children and two large dogs, and dare I say we LIVE here. It has dawned on me that keeping it clean and just-so is near impossible because we play, and love, and live, and experience life in this house. So less time cleaning, and more time being present in whatever day is happening and the mess that comes with it. A mental challenge at times, but one that I am starting to enjoy the process of.
Having perfect meals- I love to cook, but recently have been losing some of that joy I get from being in the kitchen because it felt like I needed to perform a certain standard of meal in a time frame that would not allow it. Let’s be mindful that this standard was bestowed upon me by none other than MYSELF (we truly can be our own worst critic). So I am really focusing on a whole foods approach that is easy, and flexible when it comes to our meals. And becoming okay with the fact that some nights we are going to eat wonderfully curated buddha bowls, and sometimes it's going to be frozen pizza with cucumber slices (a true crowd pleaser in this house really) and BOTH are great for our health mentally and physically.
Saying No- this is actually something I have been working on for years, so it’s a continuation, but saying No to events, or socials, or just anything that I am not 100% on. This can be a huge help in doing less because you get to NOT DO THE THING. What a privilege. There are certainly obligations that come up, but saying no and protecting my time is essential. A mantra that I have heard, and like to use to support myself through the hard no’s is “Better to disappoint someone else than to disappoint myself”.
Invite others help- there’s no more stoicism in doing it all yourself. I am learning this the hard way and it will hit you and your health and family with stress and burnout. You can’t do it all yourself, so don’t. And I suppose that is the underlying theme of doing less in general. You won’t get an award for doing it all alone, you will likely just get asked (or be expected) to do more. So get clear on what you might need some help with, where do you struggle? And talk about it! You might be surprised that where you struggle, a good friend is competent and maybe there’s a way that you can both help one another.
Did any of this resonate for you? If so, I would love to hear from you. The New Year can often bring up so much around doing, rushing, providing, and wanting more. But maybe, what you need is actually a little less? That’s at least how I am feeling as I navigate into this New year. Happy 2024!